National Pride

I never thought I would say this, but I'm not proud to be an American. There's a few things I've come to understand over the years. And this is one.

When we first went to war against Iraq, the Dixie Chicks' Natalie Maines took a lot of heat for making the same statement. I was one of the people who was in disagreement with her. I couldn't understand how someone could make such a statement. Many people boycotted their music. I didn't. I don't like their music.

Bruce Springsteen is my musician of choice. He was an outspoken critic of President George W. Bush's policies, both fiscal and military. Again I did not boycott. Well, I did boycott going to his Orlando concert on the Vote for Change Tour, but that was because I didn't want my money going to something funded by the left-wing MoveOn.org. We were both expressing our first amendment rights.

Springsteen is one of those people who was against the war, but supported (and still does) the troops. He would show up at veterans' hospitals to cheer up wounded soldiers. That's admirable.

Now there's a lot of people who support the troops. Hootie & The Blowfish was one of those bands. I don't know their political leanings, but based on the songs on their last couple of albums, I'm guessing they didn't support the war. But they did perform for the soldiers in Iraq. That is one of the most noble actions a person can do. It was proof that you could be against the war, but support the troops.

But today, I've come to believe the people -- such as Fox's Alan Colmes -- who said, "I support the troops by wanting to keep them at home." I thought that was unpatriotic, anti-American, etc. But not anymore. If you don't support a cause you don't believe in, then what is wrong with taking a stand like that?

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not advocating that we treat our vets like we did during the 1960s and 1970s when our boys came home from Vietnam. There are many soldiers who willingly fight for the cause they believe in. There are many who go because they are told. There are many who flee. I don't disagree with them.

Think about this. Would you support a soldier fighting for a country, his country, that raped and pillaged the citizens of the countries it defeated? Would you support a soldier who fought for his country while the same country was enslaving and killing millions of its own people?

Now I know you're thinking of course I wouldn't have supported a Nazi. But I'm not talking about Germany. I'm talking about the Soviet Union. They were our allies in World War II, yet we don't look at them with the same disdain as we do toward Hitler and Nazi Germany. Joseph Stalin killed twice as many of his own people as Hitler. But I bet you didn't know that. Why? Because they were our allies. It wasn't until after World War II and Korea that we didn't like the Soviet Union.

So this brings me back to being ashamed of being an American. The late, great George Carlin -- in his final HBO performance, "It's Bad for Ya" -- made this point. I'm not proud to be an American. I'm happy that I was born in America. I'm grateful. I'm grateful that my the powers that be blessed me to be part of the magical meeting of sperm and egg that took place in an American woman.

I'm proud that I am expressing my opposition to the government policies that are happening now in our country. I'm grateful that I still have, and hopefully will still have, the power to express those opinions.

Did I Miss Something Last Night?

"This time it counts." That was the slogan the execs came up with at Fox and MLB in regards to the All-Star game. The economy must hit hard there, too, because it's the same slogan they've been rehashing every year since this winner-takes-home-field-for-the-representative-of-the-winning-league. It makes me think more and more that MLB is secretly (or not so) being run by the dolts in Washington, DC.

Bud Selig has been in charge of baseball since 1992. He was "acting commissioner" from 1992 through 1998 and then became commish. He's been serving longer than any other commisioner except for the first, Kennesaw Mountain Lanids who served from 1920-1944. Doesn't this remind of you the Senators like Kennedy and Byrd who just won't go away, no matter how bad they are? And what control does he have over the owners to cancel the World Series and keep his job? And by the way, Selig's contract has been extended through 2012.

Second, MLB's runs baseball like the government. In 2002, the All-Star game ended in a tie. I don't think anyone really cared all that much. But Mr. Selig did. So rather than come up with a logical solution that applies to the game itself, say adding players or telling pitchers they have to pitch more innings, the solution was to give the winning league home-field advantage in the World Series! What does one have to do with the other? Only the government would come up with something that stupid.

Third point is steroids. Selig wasn't aware there was a problem. That's the equivalent of the government not knowing there was a terrorist plot prior to 9/11. So what happened? Congress called him in. It took Congress to get Selig and the players to "fix" the problem. Of course, the whole thing has been a colossal debacle (see the Mitchell report and the secret list), save for those who have been caught.

A couple of months ago, Obama took over GM and a number of banks. So what you say? MLB ran the Expos! They sold them to a group of inept investors who moved them to Washington DC! This doesn't bode well for GM.

I seriously hope Obie (President Obama) doesn't follow "Bud Light's" lead. Remember, beer before liquor, never sicker!

A Plan to Fix College Football

Fix it? What's wrong? Oh, come on. As if you didn't know. College Football is great. It has a few rules the NFL should have such as only needing one foot in for a reception. Well come to think of it, that's the only one. It does have rules that I don't like. Those would be the pass interference rule (not a spot foul) and overtime (don't like it... err... hate it).

But I don't watch it unless my alma mater is playing. Why? The most idiotic reason of all: the polls. But wait. You're thinking don't you mean the BCS? Don't you mean the lack of a playoff system? Yes and no. I hate the BCS and hate the bowl system. But I shudder at the thought of polls being part of a playoff system. What makes these egotistical reporters think their opinions are better than a college coaches' or a computer? Nothing but ego.

Since I'm not being paid for this work, I will not go into a diatribe of reasons and support. I will just give you the presidential campaign-like overview.

1. Put every team in a conference. Sorry Notre Dame. You can still play on NBC, but join a conference. Man up.

2. Every conference must have 12 teams playing in two divisions like the SEC. Explanation later.

3. There will be 8 conferences. So what does that mean? Send some schools down to Division II. These 20 plus teams stink and will help the second division.

4. You must play every team in your conference. Sorry SEC. No more playing only your division, the same three inter-division teams every year plus a rotation. There's 11 games right there.

5. But what about non-conference rivals? Sorry. Get them in the same conference. If you play all the teams in your conference, you'll now have 11 rivals.

6. Have a conference playoff game. Let's go PAC 10 and Big 10. This is the first round of the playoffs. Play it on a neutral site.

Where do we go from here? Easy.

7. The conference champions go into the second round. Seed the teams according to record. If there's a tie, flip a coin. There's no bias in coin flipping. The old bowls will be the sites for these games. Everyone knows in advance where their teams will play.

8. The runner-ups play in lesser bowls. You still have bowls.

9. All other teams can schedule bowl games. You can still play non-conference rivals.

There it is. How simple is that?

Dodger Stadium Sucks!

Well, it doesn't really suck. But the sports blog Deadspin has started a weekly feature called "Why Your Stadium Sucks." I think I can nominate Dodger Stadium.

My cousin and I went there while visiting the Left Coast. It was a Sunday afternoon, and we were dropped off outside the parking lot. We walked up the parking lot, as the parking lots are multi-leveled in Chavez Ravine. We immediately come upon pictures of Dodgers adorning the outside of the top of the stadium. But there were no signs of a ticket booth. Plenty of people were selling in the parking lot, but I don't trust sellers in the day of printable tickets.

So we continued to look for a ticket booth or an information person. I saw a woman, wearing a Dodger-blue shirt and a gaudy striped vest, standing near the gate. I asked her where I can purchase tickets. She took out her ear buds and informed me she didn't work there. I new LA had people who dressed weird, but not like a Disney employee.

We finally found an information person who gave us two locations. We could go up the elevator, and then the stairs at the top of the hill or find the booth in the parking lot. Huh? So we went up since it was closest. We purchased our tickets at a booth outside the third base line. Our seats were in the left field pavilion.

Now it was time to enter. The security line was long. There wasn't anyone telling anybody that there was a line if you didn't have bags. So we get to the gate and were informed that we can't enter there because our tickets were in left field. Huh? Our tickets didn't have a gate number.

So we walked and found another gate. Strike two. "Keep walking down the hill to your right."

Finally we enter the left field pavilion gate. Now we were in section 307. Where's the sign for section 307? Luckily I saw 309 and that was to our left. There was no 305 to our right. Must be straight.

Time for lunch. Four food stands all selling the same crappy Dodger Dogs. At most ballparks, you can explore the stadium for food. Not in "Dodgertown (Yeah. Dodgertown is in Vero Beach.) where all are welcome." Instead we were quarantined like we had the swine flu. So I had to get a crappy Dodger Dog. It was $1 more for beef. My cousin got "Brooklyn Dodger" pizza. The Hollywood lies continued.

Finally we made it to our seats. Fortunately, we were in the first row under the roof. Great? Nope. Can't see the jumbo-tron with the replays because they placed it behind the left field seats instead of in center field where everyone can see it.

And the announced attendance was 49,000+. I kept looking at a sea of yellow seats in the rest of the stadium where the beautiful people could sit and stand and roam the concourses in this stadium that looked like 1950s Miami Beach. I heard Dodger fans show up in the third and leave in the seventh. No, they don't show.

All-in-all, it was worth it. Tickets and food cost less than $30 and we got a great game in the shade. The Dodgers lost, so Old Blue Eyes lamented about LA on the audio instead of Randy Newman's "I Love LA."

Michael Jackson Tribute

Some random thoughts about the Tribute:

Paris will have to live with that speech for the rest of her life. It will define her. She'll be haunted by it.

Would Al Sharpton have defended Adolf Hitler if he was black?

Did the media forget that Michale admitted that he slept in the same bed with little boys?

What did Michael Jackson ever do for you except make you dance and sing? So why are you crying?

Drinking and Cooking

I love the Food Network. It caters to the common folk. I made a 30 Minute Meal on my first date with my wife. But I've got some suggestions.

First I want to see a blooper reel. Aren't you tired of the cooks telling you the food is going to be delicious? Really? Would a car salesman tell you the car is going to break down the moment you drive it off the lot? I'd love to watch Barefoot Contessa and have Ina Garten say, "Jeffery is going to love this." Taste. "Oh. This chicken tastes like shit!" Now I could have said I'd enjoy hearing Rachel Ray or Paula Deen say it, but we'd expect it from them.

The second item on the menu is Down Home with the Neelys. I have to admit I've never cooked on of their meals. But I watch the show. I'm open to new ideas.

The problem is Pat Neely. He's the husband. He laughs at everything making me think he's high. He laughed seven times in the first five minutes of the show and nobody told a joke! You can play a drinking game while he makes his drunken shrimp. Drink every time he laughs. Chug if they comment on how much he loves his brown sugar.

Days of Wiff Gone By

What got me rambling about Wiffle Ball (aka Massive Wiff or just plain Wiff) was a blog by Muslim Majik. It's interesting to me that there are postings on the net concerning the state of Wiffle Ball, yet no one has quoted or even contacted the founder of the Palm Coast Wiffle Ball League (PCWBL).

The PCWBL was founded circa 1990 by the person later-to-be-known-as the Assassin. It was a friendly, yet competitive game between friends. The game was brought to Florida from New York where the game is massively popular. Kids all over Long Island can be found tossing plastic balls (with tear-drop holes along the top, otherwise it's not a Wiffle Ball) and swinging plastic bats in their backyards.

The game was slow to be picked up in Florida, and it died once the founders went off to college. It was, like Lazarus by Jesus, resurrected around 2002 when the founder came back to Florida. After learning and mastering the history of the sport, a new breed of player emerged.

These new players represented the new generation: bigger and faster. The old-guard establishment struggled with the youth movement. Injuries slowed down the Assassin, and in-fighting for control forced him into early retirement.

That brings us to today. There's no credit mentioned. There would be no PCWBL without him. And that's the problem with today's youth. Whether it's sports, music, or politics, there's no regard for the founding fathers. Yes they've heard of Babe Ruth and Jackie Robinson, but do they understand the impact? Michael Jackson is being compared to Elvis, but do they know why? July 4th just passed. Sure Gen-O (the Obama generation) has heard of Sam Adams, but do they understand the struggles of the Sons of Liberty? Or is he just the guy on the beer bottle? Open a history book. Get on Wikipedia.

And that brings us back to Wiffle Ball. It's not just about it's founding fathers. It's about preparing you for baseball. Don Mattingly and Tony Gwynn both attribute Wiffle Ball as helping them in their development as hitters. It not only teaches you to hit, but it trains your eyes. It forces you to use two hands. There's no ESPN in Wiffle Ball. It's not the X-Games. It's the competition and struggle. It's not how fast you can throw the ball. That's sacrificing the future for instant gratification. And that's the problem with today. Everyone wants it quick and fast.

Wanting it quick and fast isn't how you enjoy life. Ask your wife or girlfriend. And that brings me to what my cousin told me last week. He said I'm not enjoying life because I'm not using my cell phone for text messaging, picture-taking, GPSing, browsing, or using it as a level. No my friend, you're missing life. As John Lennon once sang, "Life is what happens when you're busy making other plans."